OBAMA DIDN'T SPILL THE OIL. I DON'T WANT THE GULF DESTROYED. I DON'T WANT ALASKA DESTROYED. I AM TIRED OF PUTTING THE ONUS ON EVERYONE IN THE BLOODY WORLD BESIDES THE SPILLERS AND SPOILERS: BRITISH PETROLEUM, EXXON, ALL THOSE GUYS! QUIT LOADING THE AIR WITH THE RIDICULOUS TALK ABOUT WHO ELSE'S FAULT IT IS AND GET DOWN THERE TO HELP. REALIZE THAT BP MAKES MORE MONEY N-O-T CLEANING UP THE SPILL THAN THEY DO IF THEY ACTUALLY CLEAN IT. THE EXXON VALDEZ SPILL WAS NOT CLEANED UP. THESE COMPANIES ARE COMPRISED OF KILLERS, NE'ER DO WELLS AND IDIOTS. AND SO IT IS.

Not much to share. The next few weeks are going to be a whirlwind because, all of a sudden, people are coming here: a former student, a brother, a singer, a granddaughter, a sister. Family will be the big focus, and adventure will be the watchword. When it is finally over, I will read and mow and sun and smile with the memories. There is something so rich about being with the ones you love. When you are in touch with that reality, nothing touches it for quality.

There are some with whom we will not be in touch for a long time, if at all. I have lost a sister. J. has lost a son. Perceptions of others come from each person's own experience. Apparently, their perceptions of us are not favorable. It happens. We grieve our losses; and then we wish them well, hold them in love, and get on with our lives.

Some people lose whole families. Some are lucky to find surrogates. It is important to the soul to be in meaningful relationship, and we each need to find our own. J. and I have magnificent children who live far away; and we have found people closer by who are now family here. Equally magnificent, they enrich us with every day that comes. I believe that we do the same for them.

I think about the many ways that today's society works to take from us rather than giving. We have all been shaking our fists at the perpetrators of the Gulf disaster, the banks that take and take without giving, the politics of greed. They try their best to diminish us and gratify their greed. Yet, we are not diminished. What makes us rich, they cannot take. What fills our souls with joy, they cannot drain.

Writing that sentence made me remember the sweet smell of a baby's head, its peach fuzz hair tickling my nose. He sleeps in perfect trust in my arms. Sorry, AIG, BP, Aetna, I'm not sharing. Go get your own, and go in peace. I'm getting on with my life, at least for tonight.

Well, I'll be!

We're Unitarian Universalists, my husband and I. By tradition, UU's didn't have church over the summer. But our people want to come. There's a minister's dream! And so we are having services, but with a different theme: Colors.

Yesterday, the color was black. And the discussion was race distinctions and their influences in our lives. A friend and one of the leaders of the group grew up in my home town. Because of his mother's clever planning, he never knew that he was "different" because he had been born brown. And his disclosures triggered painful memories in me.

Racial discrimination was The Way Of Life in our town. People didn't speak about it, but they practiced it. As children, we didn't know there was prejudice. I came up against it hard when I was seven.

I was going to have a birthday. My mother had promised me a party with all the bells and whistles: lunch out at a favorite restaurant and a movie afterward, a major big deal in those days.

Mom sent me to school with the request that I choose 8 friends to invite to my party. That was easy. I came home with my list and gave it to my mother.

As she checked off the names, she paused at one name she did not know. "Who is Marie," she asked. "A friend in my class," I said. Somehow, Mother knew that Marie was black. How would she navigate this delicate topic with me?

She didn't bother. She said simply that I could choose either the entire birthday extravaganza with my friends, or I could have Marie over to our house by herself.

I wanted that party. I couldn't understand the new rules, but I knew which option seemed more pleasant. Mother said I must tell Marie the next day that there would be no party. I did.

What a kaleidoscopic array of betrayals: mine, Marie's, Mother's! Mother was afraid of many things, not the least of which was public opinion. What would happen if her friends saw us with Marie? The fear was enough to make her willing to inflict on Marie and me its bitter fruit.

There are some who believe that the worst behaved people are really older souls who have agreed to help you learn something you need to know. I'd like for that to be true in my mom's case. Knowing little, I still knew that my mother was wrong, and that has made a real difference in my life. As I grew, I knew better than to take on my parents' prejudices. It has been important to me to get to know all kinds of people instead of taking others' opinions of them as fact.

And oh, the richness that has come from that decision! Thanks, Mom.

I have a lot of thinking and feeling going on, and I'm not sure how to make it all come out neatly. Let me start with the easy part.

We have a 6 year old black Labrador retriever named Robin. In recent years, she has become increasingly distressed by approaching thunderstorms. We can tell there's a storm coming when Robin hides in our closet, partially under J's clothes. Generally, I close the blinds, give her a cookie, and leave her alone in there.

While talking with our vet early this week, I learned that there is a thing called a Thundershirt for dogs. The very stretchy material wraps securely around the dog like a sweater, hitting all the right spots for creating feelings of security. Yesterday, we had two big storms, and Robin proved that the Thundershirt works like magic. How we enjoyed seeing her walking around us wagging instead of in the closet hiding.

OK. Here's the hard part: Where's MY Thundershirt? Where is yours? We are "living in interesting times", to quote the old Chinese curse, and nothing feels secure any more. There's war, famine, pestilence and death aplenty. The Gulf spill is back at full volume, and there is a fear that it may not be possible at all to stop it. There's no guarantee that the relief wells will shut off the spate of toxic chemicals, when they are finally finished. And as the picture gets bleaker by the day, a judge rules against the moratorium on new offshore drilling; and BP plows ahead with Alaskan offshore drilling. Oh, wait. BP has built a little "island" of gravel and dirt on which they will plunk the well. That way, they can say it is not OFFshore. Aha.

In the HBO documentary, "Gasland", we learn that large companies in pursuit of plentiful natural gas deposits make loaded contracts with landowners, leaving them helpless when their water wells are destroyed by leaking gas and chemicals. People and animals are sick and dying. Homeowners can light the water coming out of their faucets with cigarette lighters. The chemicals in the water are identified as coming from the gas well companies, and yet, the companies do not stop the drilling, nor do they provide help to their victims. They hide behind loopholes and refuse to see.

In Congress, Republicans and Democrat Ben Nelson have sabotaged the effort to extend unemployment benefits in this economic wasteland. In justifying their opinions, they refer to the unemployed in libelous terms and imply that ensuring their emergency security only leads to their continuing to breed more indigent brats.

In my neighborhood, this evening, the officers of our electric co-op preened their fine feathers by bragging that they have managed to get hold of lots of fossil fuels and can hold out till 2025 against new government plans for energy policy. These people, who advertise their virtues in their mini-bios - several teach Bible study classes and Sunday school - chant their relief that they have been able to help to stop Congressional work on Cap and Trade. 2000 people who are part of this co-op nod their heads knowingly, humbly grateful that they will not have to pay more for their company's polluting. Without looking dissenters in the eyes, they say that, of course they believe in doing one's best to clean up the planet, as long as THEY aren't fined for doing so. I long to rise from my seat and say loudly to all of them, "Wait! What would Jesus do?" If ever "good" people needed to be faced with walking their talk, it is now.

I watch the deterioration of ethical behavior in my country, and I cry out for my Thundershirt. I am afraid.

Lavina and the GPS

You've heard the idea that a butterfly flapping its wings can begin the wind that becomes a hurricane continents away? Something to that effect? OK, then consider this true story from our home over the past two days.

On Tuesday evening, we received a call from friend, Lavina, who needed a ride home from her sister's house, 20 miles away, the next evening at seven. We agreed to pick her up.

Yesterday morning, while planning a future trip to visit our son in Virginia, my husband, J., and I were sitting in our kitchen with friends discussing ways to make the trip fun for our 10 year old Colorado granddaughter, who would be joining us. While the group continuing talking, I went to my car and programmed the destination into my GPS-type gadget. Then I came into the house and joined the conversation. All done. No biggie.

The day was lovely, compared to most of the days of the last several weeks, and we spent the later afternoon out in it, mowing and planting. J. put three shrubs in the front driveway garden to fill up an area that is usually a weed bed. These plants are pretty and varied and should make butterflies in the area happy.

A charming, and sometimes disconcerting feature of Daylight Savings Time is that you lose your sense of time. We came into the house at about 9:30 p.m. to answer a ringing phone. A man asked us if we had forgotten about Lavina, waiting since 7 p.m. to come home. J. grabbed his keys and ran to the car, leaving me to tend to our brood of 4 dogs, laundry, and other chores neglected while we enjoyed the outdoors. He had no dinner, no snack, and no idea where he was going, and yet, I let him go.

The phone rang while I was working somewhere out of earshot. I picked up the message from J. who was lost and was getting some kind of crazy guidance from the GPS. He doesn't really know how to use it, and I was surprised that he had tried to.

A half hour later, he called again, still unable to find Lavina, and still wrestling with the GPS. He hadn't tried to program our friend's address, but apparently was following directions that began when he left the house--directions to the state of Virginia! My sweet absent-minded professor husband thought that he was following instructions to a home somewhere outside of Danville, Ohio, while actually headed for Norfolk. Because J. is no fool, he bucked the guidance several times, but he still had no idea that it was for some very, very other place. Well, who doesn't lose confidence in the dark?

Shortly after midnight, J. returned, without Lavina, and with the strong sense that he had been bested by a machine. Lavina had to spend the night where she was, and she arrived safely home this morning. Did I mention that we are going to Virginia by train?

Big week for family gatherings. Two times, we were with our Weinroth family branch. Granddaughter had a piano recital and then a dance/gymnastics recital. The second one was best because our son was able to join the family. Just out of the hospital, he says he is tired and he looks it. Work days are often abnormally long. It was good to see him eat and relax for just a bit.

The grandchildren continue to amaze us with their insightfulness and creativity. They will surely help to keep us young. Grandson's special performances yesterday included rolling his tongue in a way that no one else could do, and bending this thumbs and index fingers 'way back without pushing them. Well, OK!

Our time with the family has been precious for many reasons. They're wonderful, we're wonderful, and put together, we're all stupendous, of course. But more than that, these times underscore the value of family love and the growth possible for all in our mutual validation and support. We are a network and sometimes, the only place in which to rest when one is weary. We feed one another in respect and kindness.

I contemplate these REAL family values when I look outward toward my universal family. As such, this family includes the decision makers of Halliburton, BP, et al and their shocking inability to see clearly the impact of their choices on beauty, security, all living things, the perfection of Nature when left in peace to do its work. Their ethical and moral blindness is not a facade--they really DON'T see!

I think of the behaviors of these "relatives" of ours in business, and how, in forgetting who they truly are, they dishonor themselves and the rest of us. Building high risk structures out in the ocean, using shoddy equipment and inept labor. Financing exploration of the technology of building oil rigs while forgetting the financial necessity of creating emergency responses. Making noises about how sorry they are, like a remorseful drunk the morning after, knowing that they will not make one change more than is necessary to be forgiven for the moment. Keeping away from the site those who would measure and report the situation to the rest of the world. Trying to cut deals with the government, with the people of the Gulf, with the Press, with public opinion. And the deals look cheap and shoddy when compared with the true costs of their mistakes.

Each subsequent move shows how out of touch they are, how they are conniving to get themselves out of trouble any way they can... any way, that is, but the honorable way. With each misstep, they prove their insincerity yet again.

They've killed some of the family through negligence, and not just this time. They are bludgeoning others - the people of the Gulf and their work, the brown pelican, the sea turtle, the ocean, and the essential protection of the Delta wetlands among them. Some of our family, still alive and suffering, will follow the dead. The perpetrators will not acknowledge their culpability or see themselves as part of the interconnected web of all life, because to do so would cause them pain, emotional as well as financial. At this point, the pain remains the sole property of the victims and those who bear witness to their misery.

There has been a split in the family that cannot be healed until all the money and power seekers, from coal mine owners to bank/security companies; from those who cheat us of safe, decent food in their quests to "own" farming and food marketing to polluting oil companies; from the IMF and the World Bank who have held countries captive in their poverty to businesses that work their employees literally to exhaustion; till ALL who seek to profit at the expense of others find their souls again. Till they remember that WE ARE A FAMILY.

Sunday morning, June 6, 2010

We've had an unsettling few days: violent weather, news of illness on both sides of the family, bat activity all around the house (inside) making our pups freak out.

Here's what I've been thinking about, in addition to the above: Sometime during the upset of the week, I saw a video of dairy cattle being tortured by the people in charge of them. Clearly, there had been reports of it which led to secret filming. That has led to an arrest for a "misdemeanor".

This farm is trying to be an agri-business, and the results are horrifying. Family farms value their animals, give them names, earn their trust. But big farms can't name thousands of animals, much less care about them, and the effect is demoralizing to them and dehumanizing to workers.

I'm not generalizing about all big farms. Yet, it seems to me that conditions are ripe for abuse there.

Anyhow, I was at our recently opened food co-op in Wooster yesterday, and I began talking about the video. I was interested in whether the co-op would put out a petition from the Humane Society to get stricter animal care laws on the November ballot. Two people who'd been talking with me about other things objected strongly to the idea. One said she knew of the video and wouldn't watch it. She and her husband are hog farmers on a small scale. They don't abuse their animals and don't approve of it; but they don't want interference by outsiders. Reasonable, I thought, under normal conditions. But she needed to see the video. The man next to her ranted on about not being able to change people by passing some stupid law. I could see there was no use going further.

The man argued that there was a law about wearing seat belts while traveling in a car. He said people break that law all the time and that they had the right to decide for themselves whether to wear seat belts. I wondered how cattle could decide for themselves not to be abused...

But, let's get back to the bat for a moment. It has created in our spaniels a ceiling-watching, corner-sniffing kind of hysteria that threatens to become a habit. Our Lab follows their examples, but then she never was an alpha dog.

We hadn't been able to capture the bat over the last week, and we despaired of doing so. One night, he got into our shower, and all hell broke loose outside of its glass door. Somehow, even though we were keeping our doors to the bed/bath suite shut at night, the bat managed to return to the shower last night.

Jay found it this morning and thought it was dead. It was alive, but weak after days without food. Jay managed to get it into a container and put it out in the yard. But he didn't stop there. He put into the container a dish of water and a small spoonful of raw hamburger. So right now, as the next storm threatens our environs, there is a small and grateful animal out there, chewing or sucking on the hamburger. With luck, he'll get his strength up and get out of there before a barn cat finds him.

Some juxtaposition with animal abusers, don't you think? I truly love the man I married!